Our destinies are interwoven with those who belong to our family or to our wider so-called clan.  Bert Hellinger, the inventor of the Hellinger therapy, created this special method based on his own experiences working as a monk with Zulus in Africa, psychoanalysis, transaction analysis, and family therapy. 

 

The foundation of his conception was that we are all connected; this connection is particularly strong within one’s family. Hellinger says that the relationships and emotions among clan members are stored in a consciously not sensed network (omniscient field, morphogenetic field). 

 

Owing to the information gained from this field, the roots behind a client’s issue can be explored; once the root problem is determined and mapped to the field, family constellation therapy provides for healing. Problematic nodes are dissolved by emotional, usually cathartic experiences; this leads to the quick recovery of the patient and eliminates the need for ongoing or regular sessions.

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The Hellinger therapy is based on strict laws: 

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We consider as a family member all those whom we thank for being here. 

 

1. The law of belonging: Everybody who is born or comes from a family has the right to feel like part of it. This definition of the family also includes all those of whom we may not be conscious: lost twins, aborted children, grandparents, great-grandparents, their brothers and sisters, and their born and unborn children. Within this circle of the family network, one finds the so-called “black sheep,” but also the previous important relationships of the parents, including any comrades as well as those who, for example, sacrificed their lives in a war. At its essence, it includes all the people who have anything to do with the fact that ”I” was born. 

 

2. Hierarchy, order: One’s place in the family is determined by life and time. How long has that person been a member of this family? This order must be respected so that all family members can feel secure that everybody is present and at their correct place. “As in a puzzle,” as Maria Angster says, “every piece has to be there and at its place to have the correct picture.” A harmonious, successful life requires no less than a completed puzzle.

 

3. The law of equalization: Our destinies are interwoven so much that when somebody in the family has had a difficult life (disease, early parental loss, exclusion, loss of love...) another member will take on their emotions. This person can identify with these hard feelings and can even become destructive towards their own destiny. This process takes place subconsciously in the deep soul of the client  and is accompanied by a vow: ”If you, then me too!”/ “I will suffer for you or experience your feelings instead of you”/“I will follow you!”- 

 

4. The law of giving and receiving: In life, everything has a price and is based on the balance of giving and receiving. If this equilibrium is disturbed somehow, the relationship becomes problematic. The only exception is the parent-child relationship in which the parents always give and the children always get.

 

Family constellation therapy helps draw a distinction between one’s destiny and a repeated pattern and to establishes the person’s place in the family.  Thanks to these two actions it eliminates those deeply rooted relations that cause suffering.  As a consequence, we can live our lives and get the best out of them.